Question:
What is the ruling of excessively complimenting someone?
Answer:
Alhamdulillah, praise and thanks to Allah for the countless blessings He has blessed us all with. Blessings and salutations to the Prophet Muhammad PBUH, his wives, his family, companions and all those that follow his teachings to the day of judgement.
Basically, the original ruling of complimenting someone is permissible on the condition that it is the truth and not a lie. At the same time, the compliment will not lead to fitnah for the person being complimented such as feelings of arrogance and ostentation. This is in accordance with the words of the Prophet PBUH in the incident of mi’raj to sidrat al-muntaha:
مَرْحَبًا بِالأَخِ الصَّالِحِ وَالنَّبِيِّ الصَّالِحِ
“Welcome, O Pious Brother and Pious Prophet.”
Sahih al-Bukhari (3393)
From this hadith, Imam al-Nawawi Rahimahullah said:
وَفِيهِ جَوَازُ مَدْحِ الْإِنْسَانِ فِي وَجْهِهِ إِذَا أُمِنَ عَلَيْهِ الْإِعْجَابُ وَغَيْرُهُ مِنْ أَسْبَابِ الْفِتْنَةِ
“And from the hadith, it is permissible to compliment someone face to face, if the person will not be affected by the feelings of arrogance and safe from others from matters that could lead to fitnah.” (See: al-Minhaj Syarah Sahih Muslim, Al-Nawawi (2/357)
The above statement of Imam al-Nawawi is strengthened with a hadith narrated by Abu Bakrah R.Anha, where a man compliments another man who is with the prophet PBUH. The Prophet PBUH said:
وَيْحَكَ قَطَعْتَ عُنُقَ صَاحِبِكَ قَطَعْتَ عُنُقَ صَاحِبِكَ مِرَارًا إِذَا كَانَ أَحَدُكُمْ مَادِحًا صَاحِبَهُ لاَ مَحَالَةَ فَلْيَقُلْ أَحْسِبُ فُلاَنًا وَاللَّهُ حَسِيبُهُ وَلاَ أُزَكِّي عَلَى اللَّهِ أَحَدًا
“Woe be to thee, you have broken the neck of your friend, you have broken the neck of your friend-he said this twice. If one of you has to praise his friend at all, he should say: I think (him to be) so and Allah knows it well and I do not know the secret of the heart and Allah knows the destined end, and I cannot testify his purity against Allah but (he appears) to be so and so.”
Sahih Muslim (3000)
The fiqh (understanding) applied by Imam al-Nawawi Rahimahullah when commenting on the above hadith is, he placed it under the chapter as: Chapter on the prohibition of excessive compliments and the fear of fitnah on the person being complimented.
There are several wisdoms behind restriction on excessive compliments. Imam al-Ghazali Rahimahullah said there are six harms of compliment; 4 of the harms are on the person who is complimenting while the other 2 is on the person complimented. We simplify the six harms of compliments as the following:
The Harms for the Person Complimenting
First: A person who is complimenting may compliments another person excessively that it then becomes a lie. This usually happens when someone is complimenting a ruler, an authority or someone who has something that he doesn’t have.
Second: Complimenting others may lead to riya’ (doing something with the intention to get praised) by showcasing his love to the person he is complimenting, while he feels differently. Hence, he will become a person who is riya’ and a hypocrite.
Third: Compliments or praise may also happen when a person is unaware of the truth of the situation of the person he is complimenting. Especially the absolute attributes such as warak, zuhud, taqwa and others, for all of this cannot be gauged through observation.
Fourth: Through compliments, it can encourage and embolden those who are fasiq and tyrants. While this should not happen for if complimented, they will continue with their transgressions and tyranny.
The Harms for the Person Complimented
First: Through compliments it could make a person have the feelings of arrogance and conceit. Where both these attributes could destroy a person.
Second: When a person is complimented, he will feel happy and content with what he already has. Whoever thinks he is the best, then his determination in worships will decrease. The reason is, a person who thinks he is still lacking is the one who will strive to be the best.
However, it should be explained that Imam al-Ghazali when he mentioned this, he also concludes it with the following:
أمَّا إِذَا سَلِمَ المَدْح مِنْ هَذهِ الآفَات فِي حَقِّ المَادِحِ وَالمَمْدُوحِ لَمْ يَكُنْ بِهِ بَأسٌ ، بَلْ رُبَّمَا كَانَ مَنْدُوبًا إِلَيهِ
“However, if a person feels that it is safe from the above harms, whether it is for the person who is complimenting or being complimented, then compliments are not an issue and it is encouraged.” (See: Ihya’ Ulum al-Din, al-Ghazali, 3/233)
Conclusion
Lastly, in our opinion, it is originally permissible to compliment others. The reason is, the compliment may be due to one’s observation of a pious person great efforts in worship, then it is a form of ‘aajil busyhra mu’min’ (good news for believers). However, avoid from untruthful compliments that could lead to fitnah for the person being complimented with ‘ujub (self-importance) of himself. May Allah SWT give us the correct understanding in our religion. Ameen.