Question:
Assalamualaikum SS Dato’ Seri Mufti, why is the position of mothers three times more prioritized than fathers in terms of doing good to both of them?
Answer:
Waalaikumussalam wrt.wbt.
Alhamdulillah, praise and thanks to Allah for the countless blessings He has blessed us all with. Blessings and salutations to the Prophet Muhammad PBUH, his wives, his family, companions and all those that follow his teachings to the day of judgement.
Islam is a religion which encourages us to do good to both our parents. Furthermore, the act of birr al-walidayn (doing good to parents) is one of the greatest worships after establishing the oneness of Allah SWT. This is stated in a statement of Allah SWT:
وَاعْبُدُوا اللَّهَ وَلَا تُشْرِكُوا بِهِ شَيْئًا ۖ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا
“Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good,”
Surah al-Nisa’ (36)
Hence, when looking in the context of the above verse, Allah SWT commanded Muslims to do good to their parents after the commandment of tawheed and not associating Allah with anything.
Although we are commanded to do good to both our parents, there is a hadith that prioritizes a mother over a father in the issue of doing good to them. This is stated in a hadith from Abu Hurairah RA where a man asked the Prophet PBUH: “O Messenger of Allah, who is the most deserving of my good treatment?” Then the Prophet PBUH answered:
أُمُّكَ ثُمَّ أُمُّكَ ثُمَّ أُمُّكَ ثُمَّ أَبُوكَ
“Your mother, again your mother, again your mother, then your father,”
Sahih Muslim (2548)
The wisdom from the hadith is that a mother is prioritized in the process of a child to do good to his parents three times over his father. Furthermore, the consensus of scholars as stated by Imam al-Haris al-Muhasibi in prioritizing doing good to a mother over the father due to the clear meaning of the above hadith.
While the phrase حُسْنِ الصُّحْبَةِ in the above hadith means, do good, gentle and polite, humble, loving, honouring them and obeying them in makruf (good) matters. This is proven in several statements of Allah SWT:
وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ
“And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy,”
Surah al-Isra’ (24)
The following we include several advantages of doing good to our mother stated in al-Quran and al-Sunnah:
First: Built good and kind character
This is in accordance with the statement of Allah SWT:
وَبَرًّا بِوَالِدَتِي وَلَمْ يَجْعَلْنِي جَبَّارًا شَقِيًّا
“And [made me] dutiful to my mother, and He has not made me a wretched tyrant.”
Surah Maryam (32)
It is understood from the above verse that Allah SWT did not make the Prophet Jesus AS a wretched tyrant (arrogant and cocky) and not among the people who suffers. Consequently, he is made to be among the good and kind people who is obedient to his mother Mary (Maryam).
Second: Wishes will be granted
In a long hadith from Umar bin al-Khattab RA, he said, the Prophet PBUH said:
فَإِنِ اسْتَطَعْتَ أَنْ يَسْتَغْفِرَ لَكَ فَافْعَلْ
And if it is possible for you, then do ask him (Uwais al-Qarani) to beg forgiveness for you (from your Lord).
This is an instruction from the Prophet PBUH, which is to ask Uwais bin al-Qarani who is a tabiin to ask forgiveness from Allah SWT for Umar, while Umar is in a higher and prioritized position compared to Uwais. This is due to the one special act of worship of Uwais al-Qarani which is stated by the Prophet PBUH:
لَهُ وَالِدَةٌ هُوَ بِهَا بَرٌّ
“His treatment with his mother would have been excellent.”
Hence, from the above hadith we know that by doing good to one’s mother, a person’s supplication will be granted by Allah SWT.
In answering the above question, we include the words of Imam al-Nawawi who cited the opinion of scholars as to why a mother is prioritized: “A mother is prioritized (in terms of doing good to) because a mother is burdened with most of the fatigued from her child. Furthermore, her love and care for her child is boundless and continuous starting from the process of pregnancy, feeding, then educating and caring for the child where she endures all the pain and weariness of it all.” Refer: Al-Minhaj Syarah Sahih Muslim, Al-Nawawi (16/79).
While Syeikh Mulla ‘Ali al-Qari in his commentary on the above hadith stated: “The reason why a mother is prioritized three times more is already stated by Allah SWT in the Quran:
حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ كُرْهًا وَوَضَعَتْهُ كُرْهًا ۖ وَحَمْلُهُ وَفِصَالُهُ ثَلَاثُونَ شَهْرًا
“His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship, and his gestation and weaning [period] is thirty months.”
Surah al-Ahqaf (15)
Hence, the mother is prioritized three times more for three specific reasons; a mother’s pain and suffering during pregnancy, the pains of labour and her test of feeding the child.” Refer: Mirqaat al-Mafatiih, Mulla Ali al-Qari (7/3079).
Conclusion
As a conclusion, let us all increase our good deeds towards our parents, especially towards our mother who carried us, give birth to us and feed us going through all the pain and suffering with patience.
Let’s also increase our supplication for them by reciting the following du’a:
رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا
"My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small."
Surah al-Isra’ (24)
Lastly, may Allah SWT give us the right understanding in practising Islam. Ameen.