Question:
Assalamualaikum ustaz, what is the ruling if I discontinue my financial help to my relative who is poor after helping them several times? My reason is, they are healthy but refuse to find work.
Answer:
Waalaikumussalam wrt. wbt.
Alhamdulillah, praise and thanks to Allah for the countless blessings He has blessed us all with. Blessings and salutations to the Prophet Muhammad PBUH, his wives, his family, companions and all those that follow his teachings to the day of judgement.
Generally, helping each other among Muslims without considering whether they are family relations or not is a sanctioned obligation in syarak. This is in accordance with the statement of Allah SWT:
وَتَعَاوَنُوا عَلَى الْبِرِّ وَالتَّقْوَى
“And cooperate in righteousness and piety,”
Surah al-Maidah (2)
However, it should be understood that righteousness and piety encompass a lot of things. It can be given in the form of physical help, ideas and advice, or monetary help in situations where the individual is in need of help.
Giving charity to family members is categorized as the most prioritized charity after charity to one’s parents. This is in accordance with a narration from Anas bin Malik RA, where he said: Out of all the Ansar, living in Medina, Abu Talha had the largest number of (date palm trees) gardens, and the most beloved of his property to him was the Bairuha garden which was standing opposite the Mosque (of the Prophet). Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) used to enter it and drink of its good water.
When the following verse was revealed:
لَنْ تَنَالُوا الْبِرَّ حَتَّى تُنْفِقُوا مِمَّا تُحِبُّونَ
"By no means shall you attain righteousness unless you spend (in charity) of that which you love."
Abu Talha got up and said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ), Allah says, "By no means shall you attain righteousness unless you spend (in charity) of that which you love." (3.92) and the most beloved of my property to me is the Bairuha garden, so I give it (as a charitable gift) in Allah's Cause and hope to receive good out of it and to have it stored for me with Allah. So, O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! Dispose it of (i.e. utilize it) in the way Allah orders you (to dispose it of)." Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said,
بَخْ ذَلِكَ مَالٌ رَابِحٌ ذَلِكَ مَالٌ رَابِحٌ قَدْ سَمِعْتُ مَا قُلْتَ فِيهَا وَإِنِّي أَرَى أَنْ تَجْعَلَهَا فِي الأَقْرَبِينَ
"Bravo! That is a fruitful property! That is a fruitful property! I have heard what you have said and I think that you should distribute that (garden) amongst your relatives."
Then, Abu Talhah distributed that garden amongst his relatives and his cousins.
Sahih Muslim (998)
Imam al-Nawawi Rahimahullah in his commentary of the above hadith said: The hadith shows the benefits of providing sustenance and giving charity to family members, wife, children and parents. See Al-Minhaj Syarah Sahih Muslim, Al-Nawawi.
Although this is so, from the ruling perspective, it should be clear to us that charity is divided into two; obligatory and sunnah. Obligatory charity is known as zakat and sunnah charity is also known as tathawwu’ charity.
Referring to the situation where a person is able to work but refuse to work for his sustenance, the following we include several demands of syarak where a person is commanded to put in his own effort to work and provide for himself compared to hoping and asking for help from others. There are several evidences that prove this matter. Among them is a hadith narrated by Abu Hurairah RA, where the Prophet PBUH said:
لأَنْ يَحْتَطِبَ أَحَدُكُمْ حُزْمَةً عَلَى ظَهْرِهِ خَيْرٌ مِنْ أَنْ يَسْأَلَ أَحَدًا، فَيُعْطِيَهُ أَوْ يَمْنَعَهُ
"No doubt, it is better for any one of you to cut a bundle of wood and carry it over his back rather than to ask someone who may or may not give him."
Sahih al-Bukhari (2074)
According to the above hadith, it should be understood that any type of work, whether it is easy or hard, it is prioritized compared to asking for financial assistance from others. The reason is, it is a form of honour for him in obtaining an income from his own efforts and not from asking from others.
The same is stated in a hadith from Abu Hurairah RA, where the Prophet PBUH said:
أَنَّ دَاوُدَ ـ عَلَيْهِ السَّلاَمُ ـ كَانَ لاَ يَأْكُلُ إِلاَّ مِنْ عَمَلِ يَدِهِ
"The Prophet (ﷺ) David used not to eat except from the earnings of his manual labor."
Sahih al-Bukhari (2073)
Conclusion
As a conclusion, referring to the above-stated situation in the question presented, we would like to state that basically it is sunnah to give financial help or give charity to a family member. Thus, it is not an issue if financial help is suspended due to legitimate reasoning. However, if the help is continued with wise advice, then the giver is always better than the recipient.
At the same time, we advise all individuals who are blessed with good health to always try and find a job, seeking sustenance and providing for oneself because it is a part of the commandment of syarak.
Lastly, may Allah SWT give us the right understanding in practising the religion. Amin.