Question:
Assalamualaikum. I would like to ask your advice on the sequence of ‘nafkah’. Before I was married, my husband had a house where he was living with his parents. Their mother told us that they would be moving out to another place once my husband and I are married. However, that did not happen and we end up living together for a year. I was not comfortable living with his parents so we moved out to my mother’s when I had my first baby. Fast forward, we have been living in my mother’s house for 4 years. We are planning to buy a house but my husband is expecting for me to cover half of the expenses of the house since he can’t afford to maintain new house and his house where his parents are living. My question is:
Is it valid for my husband to demand such thing from me? He provided housing and basic necessities for his parents 100% but for his own wife and kids, he is expecting me to pay for some of the expenses? All this while I’ve been considering what he is providing for his parents could be ‘sedekah’ and his ticket to heaven, but there are times when I feel he is not executing his responsibilities as a man rightly to what Islam ask to do. He should have provided basic necessities for his family first then only his parents.
Please enlighten with your advice. Thank you.
Brief Answer:
Waalaikumussalam. Generally, the priority of providing nafaqah upon a husband is to his wife first then to other people including the nafaqah of dwelling which is reasonable according to the local ‘urf within his capability. At the same time, nafaqah for parents are also upon the children especially when the parents are already aging and have no source of income to search for basic needs.
Looking at the above situation, we are of the opinion that originally, the husband has already provided the nafaqah of dwelling through the purchase of his first house even if the parents live together. However, the issue arises when the wife feels uncomfortable to live together with her parents-in-law that she suggested her husband to buy another house.
In this matter, we view that the factor of ‘feeling uncomfortable’ is not a concrete reason to deny the nafaqah of dwelling which has been provided by the husband. Therefore, if the wife asks her husband to provide another dwelling while her husband is incapable to provide the whole amount, the husband is only obliged for the amount within his capability. The rest is depending on the mutual discussion and agreement.
For example, the husband may ask for his wife’s sensibility to also provide a certain amount (not forcing her) in order to buy the second house with tolerance and mutual agreement by looking at the husband’s financial situation as well as considering it as cooperating towards goodness.
However, if the wife refuses to provide, then it is the husband’s duty and responsibility to provide it by his own within his capability which is less in price, renting a house or etc. including returning to the first house to stay.
Lastly, supposedly, all parties including the parents-in-law, husband and wife should try to understand one another, be considerate, have some tolerance, preserving the ethics among one another and etc. so that all rights may be fulfilled, and peace and harmony in the family will always be prioritized.
Explanation
Alhamdulillah, praise and thanks to Allah for the countless blessings He has blessed us all with. Blessings and salutations to the Prophet Muhammad PBUH, his wives, his family, companions and all those that follow his teachings to the day of judgement.
Basically, nafaqah for a wife places the second place after a person has provided the nafaqah for himself. This obligation remains as long as she is still a wife to her husband. The nafaqah for a wife places a better rank surpassing others like parents, except for a situation where the parents are unemployed and are incapable of supplying for themselves their own medications, treatments and foods which are the basic necessity. So, it becomes the children’s obligation in this situation.
In issues like this, if the husband has other siblings, discussion and agreements should be made to take the role of taking care of, helping and serving both parents together. By this way, the obligation will not only be put to only one child while the rest be off the hook. Remember what is said by our Prophet PBUH:
رِضَا الرَّبِّ فِي رِضَا الْوَالِدِ وَسَخَطُ الرَّبِّ فِي سَخَطِ الْوَالِدِ
"The Lord's pleasure is in the parent's pleasure, and the Lord's anger is in the parent's anger."
Jami’ al-Tirmidhi (194)
Refer our article on the priority of nafaqah for a wife than for a mother in our website
https://muftiwp.gov.my/en/artikel/al-kafi-li-al-fatawi/3804-al-kafi-1428-between-the-provisions-of-one-s-wife-and-parents-which-one-should-be-prioritized
This is different if the husband has other siblings while at the same time has limited income that he is incapable to provide to all under his care including his wife, children and parents. So, in sequence, the wife should be prioritized, followed by the children and parents.
(Refer: al-Yaqut al-Nafis, pg 674)
However, based on the above situation, our view is that the husband already fulfilled his obligation of providing the nafaqah of dwelling for his wife through the purchase of the first house even though they should live together with the parents.
Specifically, on the basic criteria of nafaqah of dwelling, the husband is obligated to provide a reasonable dwelling according to the ‘urf as well as being away from people’s eyes. It is not conditioned to be purchased, but also possible to be rented or lent. Pertaining to the condition of the house, our religion already stated that the obligatory amount is according to the husband’s capability. If he already capable of providing a simple house, then that is the amount. If a husband capable of a pricey house, then it he is obligated for it.
(See: al-Mu’tamad, 4/283)
Looking at the above concept of nafaqah of dwelling, the husband has already fulfilled his basic obligation of providing a home through his purchase of the first house even if the parents-in-law stay with them. While the factor of feeling uncomfortable staying together is an external factor needed to be settled down by having a peaceful discussion by preserving the ethics between the in-laws, have patience and many other suggestions.
Allah SWT says:
وَشَاوِرْهُمْ فِي الْأَمْرِ
and consult them in the matter
Ali Imran (159)
Sheikh al-Maraghi said: “Consulting each other bears many benefits; among them is to see that there is a union of the heart in settling an issue. This union will help achieving a purpose.”
Refer our article on the topic of staying with the parents-in-law or separately in the website https://muftiwp.gov.my/artikel/al-kafi-li-al-fatawi/2964-al-kafi-1012-tinggal-bersama-mertua-atau-berasingan
However, the suggestion of purchasing the second house as the place of living specifically for them that it causes the husband to not being able to cover the full cost, in this matter, we are of the opinion that the husband’s obligation is only within his capability.
If the wife stays firm in asking for a dwelling beyond the husband’s capability, then the husband is not obligated to submit unless by his affordable cost. The rest is due to the discussion and agreement between the husband and wife. This includes taking other initiative like renting a house. In fact, the husband may ask for her wife’s sensibility (not by force) to also afford some of the amount. This stand may result in a win-win situation.
This is strengthened by the saying of Allah SWT:
لِيُنفِقْ ذُو سَعَةٍ مِّن سَعَتِهِ ۖ وَمَن قُدِرَ عَلَيْهِ رِزْقُهُ فَلْيُنفِقْ مِمَّا آتَاهُ اللَّـهُ ۚ لَا يُكَلِّفُ اللَّـهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا مَا آتَاهَا ۚ سَيَجْعَلُ اللَّـهُ بَعْدَ عُسْرٍ يُسْرًا
Let a man of wealth spend from his wealth, and he whose provision is restricted - let him spend from what Allah has given him. Allah does not charge a soul except [according to] what He has given it. Allah will bring about, after hardship, ease.
Surah al-Talaq (7)
Closing
Last but not least, we should not consider the nafaqah for the parents as a burden to us, but as an act of ihsan towards them as emphasized by our religion of Islam. At the same time, the husband should also balance the responsibility of nafaqah towards others especially the wife and children according to his capability which includes providing a house separately from others, the rights of privacy and protection, which then resulted in more loving nature. However, tolerance and mutual understanding should be resided in every individual’s heart involved including the parents, wife and children so that aside of their rights being preserved, the main objective which is shaping a peaceful and harmonious family may be achieved.
Walllahua’lam.