Question:
Assalamualaikum, is there a hadith regarding the punishment of a wife who refuses to have intercourse with her husband?
Answer:
Waalaikumusslam wbt.
Alhamdulillah, praise and thanks to Allah for the countless blessings He has blessed us all with. Blessings and salutations to the Prophet Muhammad PBUH, his wives, his family, companions and all those that follow his teachings to the day of judgement.
In marriage, a wife is obligated to obey her husband for every ma’ruf matters. The reason is, this obedience is her easy way towards paradise and this is stated in a sahih hadith of Ibn Hibban:
- From Abu Hurairah RA, the Prophet PBUH said:
إِذَا صَلَّتِ الْمَرْأَةُ خُمُسَهَا، وَصَامَتْ شَهْرَهَا، وَحَصَّنَتْ فَرْجَهَا، وَأَطَاعَتْ بَعْلَهَا دَخَلَتْ مِنْ أَيِّ أَبْوَابِ الْجَنَّةِ شَاءَتْ
“If a woman performs the five daily prayers, fast in this month (Ramadhan), protect her privates (chastity) and obeys her husband. Thus, enter paradise from any doors she so wishes.”
Narrated by Ibn Hibban (4163)
According to the above question, there are several hadiths that mentions the implication or punishment for a wife who refuses her husband who asked her to have intercourse. Among them are:
- From Abu Hurairah RA, the Prophet PBUH said:
إِذَا دَعَا الرَّجُلُ امْرَأَتَهُ إِلَى فِرَاشِهِ فَأَبَتْ فَبَاتَ غَضْبَانَ عَلَيْهَا لَعَنَتْهَا المَلاَئِكَةُ حَتَّى تُصْبِحَ
"If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relation) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning."
Sahih al-Bukhari (3237)(5193)
Imam al-Nawawi stated that the above hadith is evidence that it is haram for a wife to refuse her husband to have intercourse with her without reasons permitted by syara’ and menstruation does not prevent her husband’s invite for he has a right to be intimate (istimta’) with anything covered with a cloth (other than the vagina). This hadith also means the curse of angels will continue until the transgression stops with the rising of the sun, the husband’s subsiding anger and the repentance of the wife when she agrees to have intercourse with her husband. (See al-Minhaj, 7-8/10)
Thus, we state that it is wajib for a wife to obey her husband for everything that is ma’ruf. Furthermore, having intercourse is a shared right between the husband and wife and should be discussed and agreed with together properly. Among the important matters in intercourse that a person should pay attention to are the manners and rulings related to it to avoid any oppression from happening.
Conclusion
To conclude, in facing this issue, understanding and tolerance between husband and wife is important to avoid issues like this from arising. Lastly, may Allah SWT grant us pious and righteous spouses so that to have a blessed and happy marriage. Amin.
Wallahua’lam.